Spiritual Goals
A Renewing - I don't know what else to call it... I want to renew my relationship with Christ... I've been working on that by praying (sometimes flat on my face), reading the Word and visiting churches. I've also been talking to other people about their faith and their struggles. I got off track somewhere, I'm pretty sure it was when I found out my mom was dying... but honestly I'm not sure because I don't think I was praying and reading and just walking in the faith at that time either... I think I had become complacent and apathy had taken over... I believe complacency and apathy are the precursors to sin and doubt. I have kind of tumbled ever since, even though I started a ministry I still wasn’t where I wanted to be, not praying and seeking like I was… I was miserable and I just couldn’t get there. So I replaced a relationship with Christ for the work of Christ, if I just did enough I would get back where I use to be… I’m headed back there now doing it right this time by spending time with Christ in prayer and in His Word. For now that also means finding a place to heal...
Church - find a new church home - I've visited a couple of churches so far, but haven't found one that really meets me where I'm at.... I have always ended up in jobs and committees in church. I always wanted to be active about the work, but right now I need a place to heal, a place to soak up the Word and praise and mercy of the Lord… I'm taking suggestions.
Ministry - you might know that I started a ministry in 2008 called Infusion Ministries (www.inministries.org). I kind of gave all of that up as I "visited a foreign country"... it's impossible to stay the head of a ministry when going through a divorce and then later actually working toward living with someone... I was wrong... I denied myself in Christ and I shouldn't have and I have no one to blame but me... I need time to heal in my spirit and I hope once I am healed that my brothers and sisters in Christ will forgive me of my failings and will want to continue the ministry.
Just a side note - Why do people think Christians are supposed to be perfect? Why do Christians think other Christians are supposed to be perfect? I've heard it said that the Christian army is the only army that shoots its own wounded. I tend to believe that, I'm pretty sure some of those arrows have come from my own quiver. It's so easy to see the spec in someone else's eye and not the log in your own. I know I have been hauling logs, I know Christ will forgive me if I come to him with a humble and repentive heart, but I worry that my brothers and sisters in Christ will not be as forgiving and that scares me.
In 2006 and 2007 I coordinated a Christian festival called Rock Da Ville when I worked for the Main Street Program. I loved putting that together! I loved working with all those great people! I LOVED seeing hundreds come to Christ in the streets of our city… that’s why I started the ministry. I want to get back to where I need to be and then I want to get back to the ministry that I loved. I would love to see another Rock Da Ville happen and I believe it can if it's God's will. Right now though I just have to get myself in the right place first and then I can look at how I can do things for others.
What do you think? What have you struggled with? Your comments are always welcome!
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